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The Bag Lady Gets Wet
It was ninety five degrees and the parking lot pavement was starting to get sticky. There was no breeze blowing and all ten bag ladies in the parking lot were low in spirit. As usual, Roxbury the bag lady came to the rescue. She opened the water hose that was in back of the fast food restaurant and asked the women to strip. At first they were a little shy but when Roxbury led the way they all followed. It was a joyful sight as ten over heated women were sprayed with cold water. The motorists in the parking lot were astonished to see such a display, but they understood that it was a hot day and the bag ladies needed some relief from the heat. After a few hours of jumping, laughing, and splashing the women were getting hungry. Roxbury then shut off the water and went to get dressed. She was shocked to find that all the clothes were gone. Some sadistic person had made off with the women’s clothing. The bag ladies were furious and wanted revenge, but first they needed their clothes. They knew that Roxbury would find a way to get them back and they hoped that it was done quickly. Roxbury volunteered to enter the fast food restaurant in front of the parking lot and ask the manager for something to wear. She walked in completely nude covered by small paper bag. The customers almost chocked on their food when they saw her coming in. One conservative lady was so shocked that she screamed. Roxbury explained to the manager what had happened. The manager then went into the laundry room and returned with soiled uniforms to clothe Roxbury and her friends.
After two days of searching through the city dump and trying on women’s dresses the bag ladies were back in style. They returned to the dumpster with an anger that was almost uncontrollable. They would not sleep until they found the person that had stolen their clothes. The bag ladies roamed the city for days searching for any information that would lead them to the villain. They soon found out that there was a male psycho running loose in the city cutting holes in the bags that can ladies used to carry their cans. He was also putting crazy glue on uncollected cans waiting for the can ladies to grab them. To make matters even worse the psycho was throwing bleach into dumpsters making the food inside inedible for the dumpster diving population. It was also discovered that he was an escapee from a city mental ward where he was committed for playing dangerous pranks on women. The nurses there hoped he never would be returned. They were also victims of his terrible sense of humor. His nick name is Pokum Jokum and his first joke was played on his mother when he threw her keys into the lion’s cage at the zoo. The intensity of his sadistic jokes increased until his mother was driven mad. Pokum was then put into a group home in which he caused havoc. One of his jokes was to break into the female residents lockers and throw their cosmetics down the incinerator chute. He was later institutionalized when he spilled ink on a nurse’s hair after she returned from the beauty parlor. The psychiatrists said that he was not a violent person but had to vent his anger against women in the only way he knew how. He also added that he would be cured if he ran into the wrong woman and got a good ass whipping.
He was spotted by Isis who was one of Crazy Mommas seven daughters. Pokum Jokum was busy screwing up the mechanism of a can counting machine that the can ladies used to turn in their cans. There were deep scratch marks all over his face. It was obviously put there by a can lady that didn’t find his sense of humor funny. Isis grabbed him by the hair and kicked his legs out from under him. When he was on the floor she kicked him in the face. Pokum Jokum then remembered her as one of the women whose clothes he had stolen and he knew that was going to pay heavily for his joke. Crazy Momma made sure her seven daughters were experts in combat. Isis learned how to fight well and she feared no man. Isis then dragged him through the streets by the hair until they arrived at the dumpster. The bag ladies were glad to see the prank playing sadist that Isis had come home with. They now were going to pay him back for stealing their clothes and humiliating them.
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Roxbury tied Pokum Jokum to the dumpster and blindfolded him. Now it was time to cure Pokum Jokum Of his sadistic sense of humor. He had been responsible for stealing their clothes and making life difficult for many can ladies. The payback started. Each of the bag ladies loudly suggested how the jokester should be punished. This was done within hearing distance of Pokum Jokum. Roxbury said she wanted to castrate him. Giant begged to have a chance to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire, Crazy Momma and her seven daughters wanted to beat him to death. They agreed that Giant had the best answer, and that he was to be set on fire. Isis put her finger into the tank of a car in the parking lot and let blind folded Pokum sniff it. She told him that it was time for him to be burned alive. He screamed in fear and then passed out. Pokum was than deposited in the psycho ward where he had first escaped. The nurses were angry that he was returned, but Roxbury assured them that he had lost his sense of humor and would no longer play tricks on them.
Roxbury was holding the hose and spraying her friends with cold water. It was ninety eight degrees in L.A. and they were happy to cool off. A few women that had parked their cars near the dumpster took off their clothes and joined the fun. It was a happy crowd of good people that wanted to escape the heat. Roxbury knew that her clothes were safe and she was not in any hurry to put them back on.
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