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Internet Dating: Advice from Someone Whose Been There and Seen it All!
Nearly ten years ago, I bumbled my way into an internet chat room and accidentally found myself cyber face to cyber face with the greatest love I have ever known. We lived in different countries when we met online, on opposite sides of the continent, and neither thought there was a chance that we would ever come face to face in real life. That gave us complete freedom to choose to lie or to be completely honest. We chose, for the most part, honesty. It wasn’t very long before all night chat room sessions became all night phone conversations, and all night phone conversations became more expensive than airplane tickets. Within five months of meeting online we were laying nude on a beach in British Columbia exploring each other under the stars. People thought we had lost our minds. Back then, nobody met online. Of course, now, it’s the preferred method of meeting the world over.
Since that fateful day in November of 1997, we have watched Internet daters meet time and time again. We have come face to face with the good, the bad and the ugly. Here are a few things you will want to consider if you find yourself attracted to the person typing words on the other side of the screen:
Just because you are honest doesn’t mean that the person on the other side of the conversation is honest. Look for things that are out of whack. For example, if a guy is always talking about how much money he makes, it’s likely he’s lying. Look for him to run into “financial trouble” right about the time he meets you. If he is more interested in sex talk than any other aspect of your conversation, he’s not just being a guy. He’s out for a booty call. If you are up for a booty call, great, but if you aren’t, then look out! Also, if you lied to him about your weight and gave him an old picture that was taken when all of the planets aligned in airbrush heaven; look for it to matter to him. Generally speaking, the things that people consistently tell you are their biggest strengths are in actuality tied in to their biggest insecurities. Look for focal points in the conversation if he’s talking about himself and from there figure out what’s really happening.
Despite the rumors of rapists who prey on women they meet online, the instance of that is still exceedingly low and not out of the norm from other meeting venues, however, keep in mind that it’s always a possibility. Meet him somewhere public, and with a friend of yours in tow if possible, making sure to leave a post it note on your computer key board as to where you went.
If you meet him and he’s everything you thought he would be, and he’s as into you as he thought he’d be, no matter how close you got and how fast you got close, enjoy the dating relationship and take the time to find out that neither of you is who the other bargained for. For the first three to four months, it may seem like it, but the truth always comes out in time. Generally speaking, at the six month mark you have both been in long enough to have some gripes, and to know that this is not the person you thought you were getting. That’s okay. It’s normal. This is the point in the relationship where you put away the fantasies and dreams and take stock of what you have. Despite the fights happening at this point, which by the way are healthy for this stage of a relationship, you still have something between you, and it’s up to you both to determine if what you have is worth having, even though it differs from what you thought you were getting. If you decide that it is, then date for at least 6 more months before making any lifetime commitments.
If and when you have decided to marry, watch out for the signs that either you or he is dipping back into the trough. Is the first line of defense for either of you, spending hours online in chat rooms? Are you going to bed at different times because one of you is up blogging or chatting online? Remember, he found you there. As much fun as the internet is for you both, it should hold considerably less interest for you after you get together than it did while you were apart.
If you communicated well online, and you have access to two computers, consider using the computer to talk thorough delicate or emotional issues. This is where you learned to communicate, and you are less likely to throw the same sorts of tantrums or to say the same hurtful things if you go back to where you started your relationship when dealing with some of the tough times.
Backing up 5 steps, internet dating can be wonderful. There is nothing like the newness of a relationship, connecting with that one person who truly gets you. You complete each other’s sentences, laugh at the same things, etc. it’s very intimate. In fact, the reason that internet relationships happen so easily is that on the internet, men actually talk! How do you know when it’s time to meet in real life? Simply enough, the time to meet in real life is when the relationship has blown into huge proportions very quickly, too quickly for you. Each person is different, but we all know when a relationship has reached that point where it’s moving both too fast and too slow at the same time. That’s when it’s time to meet. The intimacy has reached its intellectual apex, and you need some time to experience the world together, free to allow for silence.
The only difference between the real world dating environment and Internet dating environments is the speed at which intimacy grows and true feelings are shared. It can be a wonderful experience, but remember, it’s still dating, and it’s still as capable in ending in heartbreak as it is the acquisition of a soul mate. Enjoy the time you have, but enjoy it wisely, with the sort of caution you have when entering any sort of romantic relationship. May you make wise choices in early stage relationships that set the foundation for a lifetime of happiness with a true soul mate!
My blog: The Best Dating and Marriage blog
